Ship Your Enemies Coronavirus

The perfectly viral gift for that special someone in your life.

Ship Now

Ship Now

Harvesting

Your COVID-19 sample will be harvested from the nasal cavity of our fresh supply of infected old people.

Packing

The sample will then be placed in a spring-actuated aerosol can; resulting in a potent 'sneeze' as the package is opened.

Shipping

The package will be shipped via priority mail directly to your enemy, where infection and incubation can occur in as little as two days!

Our Team

Fueled by vitriolic hate and the tears of orphans, our team is committed to delivering a first rate viral experience to the important people in your life.

Charles Koch

Chairman

Guiding the sidehustle of a few millienials as they supple on my teat of insidious wisdom.

Ariel

Loud Upstairs Neighbor

I'm just doing this until I get a callback for the Off-Broadway Musical Stomp

Cade Chungus

Generic Podcast Host

Forcing my neighbors into listening to my stream of consciousness is no longer enough.

TurboKaren

VP of Managerial Dread

I will have you know that this isn't even my final form.

Person that greenlit the Cats movie

Advisor

I am committed to making sure everyone's time is wasted. I have a proven track record.

Gun Girl

Director of Customer Dissatisfaction

I needed this gig for when people quit giving me attention for my cringey interviews.

Order Now

What are you waiting for? Your enemies are not going to infect themselves. Actually, maybe they will; this stuff is wildly contagious. Regardless, be the change you want to see in the world.